“Power Poses”: Use your Body to Fake it Until You Make it

I thoroughly recommend checking out the Poptech video by Dr Amy Cuddy, assistant professor at Harvard Business School, it’s great to watch during your next coffee break.

My favourite points from the video are:

1. Smile To Make Yourself Happy: We tend to think being happy leads us to smile, but actually the reverse is true as well. Smiling even when you’ve had a lousy day at work actually boosts your mood and helps you overcome that sense of malaise we all get from time to time.

2. Spread Your Legs Ladies! Cuddy discusses how she noticed that non-white men and women of all races on her MBA programmes spoke up less and took up the least amount of physical space. For example, women cross their arms and legs and fold themselves into smaller poses when speaking. She and a colleague were inspired to run an experiment forcing these students for just two minutes to ‘take up more space’ by putting their arms behind their heads, putting their feet up on a table or spreading their legs further when seated or standing. Amazingly they started contributing more to discussions and ‘owned their space’ with the confidence that imbued.

3. Ramp Up your Testosterone for Confidence: For too long we have associated testosterone only with men, but Cuddy points out that the hormone actually increases in any situation involving leadership skills and dominance. Fascinatingly there are ways we can artificially increase it to our advantage before we go into situations where we need to feel in control; like interviews, negotiations, appraisals, speeches or meetings.

4. Don’t Kill Them With Kindness: A last insightful point Cuddy makes about meeting new people is to avoid being sycophantic, as it immediately puts you in the lower position – not a great start to any discussion. I have certainly fallen foul of meeting someone I admire; smothering them with praise such as “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m finally meeting you…” which immediately makes me at best secondary player. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a compliment, but go for a much less saccharine “I have admired your work on …” or “It’s lovely to finally meet you, I enjoyed hearing you speak at…”    before following up on what you share in common.

We will be discussing how vital positive body language is to every day success in an upcoming webinar on April 16th, Postures for Professional Prominence: Using Positive Non-Verbal Behaviour to Persuade and Influence. I will be pairing up with Elizabeth Kuhnke author of Body Language for Dummies and Persuasion and Influence for Dummies.

 

Corporate Networking: Just Mercenary Meetings or Space for Authentic Interaction?

Walking into any networking event can be intimidating. The pressure is on to make the most of every connection, but this underlying stress can rob encounters of the one thing they need to be effective – authenticity.

I recently enjoyed Barbara Ehrenreich’s book “Bait and Switch”. The book details the demoralisation amongst modern white collar workers who, she posits, largely fall into two groups: job seekers and those who live in fear of unemployment – recognising they are just one round of lay-offs away from being expendable themselves. Posing as a unemployed white collar worker she dutifully attended networking events across America.

While not job searching myself, I recognised her astute observation about networking:  “It feels ‘fake’ because we know it involves the deflection of our own natural human sociability to an ulterior end. Normally we meet strangers in the expectation that they may be truly strange, and are drawn to the multilayered mystery that each human presents. But in networking, as in prostitution, there is no time for fascination. The networker is always…looking over the shoulder of the person she engages in conversation, toward whatever concrete advantage can be gleaned from the interaction – a tip or precious contact. The instrumentalism undermines the possibility of a group identity… white collar victims of a corporate upheaval. No matter how crowded the room, the networker prowls alone, scavenging to meet his or her individual needs.”

While that description may sound dismally mercenary, it is very apt. The key in networking is not to be the ‘shoulder overlooker’ but to set your sites on meeting just a small handful of people at an event. If you place the expectation on yourself that you must meet and exchange cards with a dozen new people, you won’t have the time to authentically engage with any of them. If there is no time for authenticity, you won’t get a good sense of who they really are and how you can help them. And realistically, people will unlikely be vested in helping you if they don’t feel truly heard and understood in the first place. Go for fewer, more authentic interactions – for your own enjoyment as well as those you meet.

How to ‘Big Up Your Language’ to Show you Mean Business

female breadwinners communicating with gravitasIn preparation for next week’s webinar on communicating with gravitas, I was reflecting on a recent interview.  I am in the running for a prestigious fellowship that would take me to Boston for the last few months of 2012. I recalled my interview  with members of the panel, where I had to project much more confidence than I often feel about the growth of my business, Female Breadwinners.  I couldn’t tell them how I worry if I am investing in the right marketing strategies for my small business or that I beat myself up about the speaking events I don’t get or how I dissect conversations wondering if I made the right impression with a new client- all of which I do, and I bet you do too.

Rather I made a conscious decision to use positive language to point out that Female Breadwinners has ‘doubled it’s turnover every year since its inception’, that I ‘regularly speak with audiences at  FTSE 100 companies’ and that my ambitions include creating a ‘multi-million pound structure that helps men to embrace workplace gender diversity’. I know that in interviews, meetings – virtually anytime you are speaking to a colleague you must verbally establish your presence through your choice of words. It’s a lesson we women need to learn. Men are much better at ‘bigging it up’.

Most professional women I know have plenty to be proud of. I know and work with women who are senior managers in legal, banking, science, engineering and technology firms, many with MBAs and PhDs. Yet to hear some of them talk about themselves and their accomplishments you’d be surprised to find they had a qualification to their name. I am not advocating bragging about things that are bot true, but most women I know minimise their achievements, usually for the perceived comfort of others; to be accepted and ‘liked’.

As a professional woman this is a mistake you can’t afford to make. One step is to remove the words small, only, kind of, just and little when talking about your achievements. Dismiss phrases such as I only work part-time when you work three days a week, and check your messages on the days you are meant to be ‘off’. Chuck out weedy explanations such as I am just doing a post-doc at the moment when you have landed a research position in a field you love. Minimising your accomplishments in the hope others will see though your humility rarely works in the workplace and certainly not in job interviews or appraisals. Nor does it belie true confidence, which is what employers are looking for when considering hiring, promotions…. and even fellowships.

Find out more about Monday’s webinar  – February 27th 2012 8pm – Say it Right: Verbal and E-mail Communications with Gravitas

How to Use Social Media in just 10 minutes a Day

In a day with too few hours, what kind of edge can social media give you? The demands of social networking can seem all-consuming – shall I tweet, blog, Facebook or include this bit of news as a LinkedIn update?

It can all seem like too much to manage – and you know no one wants to read about your cups of tea! However, careful maintenance of one or two social media tools can work wonders for your career. For example, I’m a big fan of LinkedIn, and I’m not alone. According to the Social Media Examiner 95% of companies check LinkedIn profiles for job candidates, and there are over 130,000 recruiters on LinkedIn.

If you feel too busy for social media, but curious how you could maximise it for your benefit,  join the webinar “Online Profile Raising For Busy Professional Women” on 6th February. In the meantime read a few savvy strategies for social media below.

First tip: Where are the people you want to link with in cyberspace?

I like LinkedIn for it’s sheer ubiquity in the professional world; it has 150m users and the average user is in a management position earning $100k plus. It’s a better reflection of myself and the type of women with whom I work.  To that end, I rarely check Facebook since most of my target market are older women, with less time and don’t want to mix school friends with work colleagues. But I know there may come a day when I interact with Facebook more.  But then again, perhaps I should just bump up my twitter usage as currently the average twitter user is a 25 year old woman!

Because I have to be focused where I spend my time, I choose to host an active LinkedIn group for Female Breadwinners, where we post relevant issues. A LinkedIn group is self-selective and in most cases, filled with people who actively want to share opinions and information with others in a similar situation. An active LinkedIn group can become an inner circle. So, I know the people who sign up to the Female breadwinners group are, in the whole, main breadwinners for their families. We can share more intimately and pass on tips from everything from which handbags are best for laptops to the stress of bearing the responsibility of earning the bucks.

In the same vein, a good friend of mine in Charity Fund Raising took a four month career break to travel in Asia after building up a good reputation in the industry for the previous 15 years. In the months before her return, she built up her LinkedIn database. When she was ready to return, she posted a simple LinkedIn Status update that she was ready to work. Six of her former bosses got in touch and also recommended her to others. Sure she had started her ‘networking’ 15 years previous, but the lesson here is that she used LinkedIn to consolidate those contacts and announce she was ready for a new challenge. She was able to be choosey and is now working for a well respected foundation .

Second tip: Even just modifying a phrase or two each week in your LinkedIn status update will register the change which means it will be re-publicised to your contacts.

For more tips on how to use social media for your benefit as a busy working woman, join us NEXT WEEK on Monday 6 February at 8pm GMT for “Online Profile Raising For Busy Professional Women”  or download it and listen to it in your own time. I’m hosting it with the brains behind my own social media, Maria Sadler, who runs a consultancy Pink Buzz, which focuses on helping professional women raise their online visibility.

How Dreary Saturday Afternoons Can be Good for Your Corporate Image

I am perhaps a bit odd in that I LOVE  to use the first weekend of the New Year to vigorously weed out my work wardrobe. I also drag my husband into a yearly purge as well; which he never quite appreciates with the same sense of annual renewal. Go figure?!

As we settle into the New Year, a dreary weekend day is a fantastic time to de-clutter your wardrobe to start 2012 on the right foot.

It’s amazing how much of my clothing I avoid wearing because I suspect it doesn’t flatter my shape or even worse; is too tight…. that dismal moment when the ‘fitted’ cut of trousers starts to look like sausage casing!

For example, at the tail end of last year, I came to terms with the fact I will never again fit into the black skirt suit that helped secure several of my first jobs in my 20′s. Luckily, the suit found a new home, courtesy of Dress for Success – a charity that provides interview suits and work wear for low income women returning to the work force.

Starting 2012 with the a sense of style that is work-appropriate, will motivate you for the career progress you want to make this year. I asked a good friend of mine, Isabella Brusati, to give us a few New Year tips for clearing out your closet. Isabella had a high-flying corporate career but decided to capitalise on the frequent compliments she received on her own wardrobe and effortless chic to open a style consultancy – www.effortlesslychic.net

I asked Isabella to explain why a clean and clear wardrobe is vital and she explained – “Image and personal brand are key for a woman’s career and success. I define brand as what people say about you when you are not in the room. What is your brand?

The start of a new year is the perfect time to set your goals: what do you want your brand to be? Sit down in a quiet environment and write down your goals. Draw a pie chart and take a snapshot of how you spend your time (e.g. 60% work, 30% family life, 10% socialising). It is important to have a consistent brand that is embedded in every aspect of your life.

The next step is to assess your wardrobe and to de-clutter it. It is not unusual to hear women saying: “I have so many clothes, but nothing to wear”. Your aim is to create a capsule wardrobe that is sending the right and consistent message: that you mean business!”

Isabella’s advice reminded me that investing in work wear is a smart move for me as I spend so much of my time presenting, coaching or networking. However, splurging on that sequin top for weekend drinks can’t be as easily justified as it will cost me more on a cost per wear basis than an elegant navy dress from Jaegar, that is three times the price. I could even justify treating myself to a long cashmere cardigan for wearing on cold days in the office. But cheaper party clothes are almost never a good buy for some-one who works as much as I do.

So how can you de-clutter in three easy steps:

  • PLAN: If this is a once a year exercise plan a whole day. If you frequently sort things you may get away with an hour. Make sure you do set aside enough time – plan in hourly chunks to work on a certain area of your wardrobe, for example work wear, accessories etc. Done in one hour sessions you can make the time fly by listening to music or a favourite podcast from Women’s Hour.
  • PURGE: take out the section of your wardrobe you are working on. Be brutally honest. Has this suit seen better days? Would you feel confident wearing it to an important meeting or do you put it on and subconsciously think “this will do”? Are there things you are “saving for best” that you rarely wear?
  • SORT: This is the time to look at the items that didn’t make it back into your wardrobe – make 5 different piles:
  1. Dry cleaning: identify all stains on items to go for cleaning. This is also the time for the dismaying task of looking for moth holes, which you may be able to fix with some careful darning.
  2. Tailor: which items require some minor work like replacing buttons, adjusting the hem or even optimistically taking in a waistband?
  3. Donate: take clothes that are still in good condition to your local charity shop or better yet donate to Dress For Success.
  4. Bin: if it cannot be altered, is out of style, it doesn’t fit or isn’t vintage; the rubbish is the only solution.
  5. Evening wear: the rule of thumb is that if you have not worn an item for one year you should toss it. Evening wear is an obvious exception as, unless you attend black tie events on an ongoing basis, it gets worn less frequently. But again be ruthless with yourself. Would you actually wear that ‘Miss World’ style black sequin dress with the ‘Dynasty-esque’ shoulder pads that looked so good on you in 1987, to your next Black-tie event?
  • BE MERCILESS: ditch everything that does not suit your lifestyle and personal brand. This is not the time to wonder “But what if I lose weight?” If you manage to lose weight,  you’ll probably want to treat yourself to a few new items!
  • ORDER: put everything back in the closet and create order: trousers all together divided by colours, suits grouped in the same area, etc. Treat your clothes to decent padded or wooden hangers – don’t spoil an expensive jacket by hanging it on a wire hanger.
  • KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Be organised and assess on a seasonal basis – add new items or ditch a few. Your image and brand are your passport to success.

Bosses Are Not Mind Readers – Top Leadership Tips For Women

This morning I found this article by Jenna Goudreau on leadership tips for women in Forbes which resonated with me, as just last night I ran a webinar on how female breadwinners can demonstrate ambition and credibility in the workplace. (If you missed it you can still purchase the recording)

One of my key messages is that you must make it known that you have ambition. Too often women fear “blowing their own trumpet” worrying that they will sound conceited, but how many times has the man next to you taken credit for a project where you did the lion’s share of work? Or been promoted into a role you wanted, and are qualified for?

I often tell my clients that your boss doesn’t have a crystal ball – how do they know that you are keen for promotion, willing to travel or relocate unless you make it clear? And this is especially true if you have children. Unfortunately it is still assumed that a woman with children is less ambitious than her male counterpart. Make it quite clear what you want from your career both on a regular basis and especially during your performance review. Ask for what you feel you need to enable you to move to the next level.

The author of the Forbes article includes being persistent, I would add don’t think that because the answer is no this time it will always be no, it may just not be the right time now.

If you would like more tips on how to build confidence and raise your profile take a look at our library of webinars on these topics.