Women In Business | FemaleBreadWinners

Female Breadwinners – Are Dads the New Mums?

We often receive fantastic e-mails from men, outside the Boys’ Club, who are the main carers within the household. Their letters are predominantly very supportive of our message – that the rise of the female breadwinners can benefit both men and women by offering greater flexibility in their roles. On the streets, in the shops, talking with fathers – most people see that dads now drive kids to more dentist’ appointments, preside over more school assignments and arrange more playmates than ever before.

According to the article ”Are Dads the New Moms?’ by Susan Thomas in the Wall Street Journal: “Research confirms the rise of co-parenting. A recent U.S. Census Bureau report found that 32% of fathers with working wives routinely care for their children under age 15, up from 26% in 2002. Popular culture has noted the trend, too. Involved regular-guy dads are now commonplace in commercials. In one AT&T ad, a dad diapers his baby while talking sports on his phone with a buddy.”

Men recognise the demands placed on them are changing and growing as we enter this new age. And most are far more open to the opportunities, challenges and even benefits it can unexpectedly bring. As one young father who writes to Female Breadwinners explains about his wife’s second pregnancy: ” Carol and I became so much closer in the final months of her pregnancy. I’ve gained such an appreciation for what she does, and feel bad that it took me so long to realize these things. She continued to work hard, all the while taking care of our baby growing inside her. I was as supportive as I could be (I think, anyway) and as the big day drew near we began to appreciate that it would mark a huge tradeoff for us, for once the baby was born I’d take over as the primary parent and Carol, as the female breadwinners, would support me. We’d done this of course with our first child but for some reason this time we really acknowledged it. It was great for me because I felt useful during the pregnancy and absolutely empowered once the baby was born, while Carol was excited because she knew that the baby will be cared for by her husband and we could proceed ahead in our lives.” For them, this ‘brave new world’ of parenting gives them both a sense of contribution and purpose – that is not tied to old fashioned gender roles that are increasingly outdated.

In her article Thomas explains: “One recent study found that not only are men’s personal identities increasingly linked to being fathers, but so is their health. In a paper presented in early May at the Population Association of America’s annual conference, researchers from Ohio State University reported that more paternal involvement was associated with decreases in depression, substance abuse and risky behaviors for low-income fathers. It also improved their self-reported physical health.” As positive as it is to hear how spending time with their children benefits fathers, it’s also increased stress in achieving that holy grail historically considered a working mother’s issue: ‘work-life balance’.

Thomas continues: “Men are experiencing what women experienced when they first entered the workforce in record numbers—the pressure to ‘do it all in order to have it all,’ ” according to a report released by the Family and Work Institute last year. It also found that the acceleration in “work-family conflict” has been particularly conspicuous among fathers in two-income families, with 60% saying it was an issue in 2008, up from 35% in 1977. That figure remained relatively stable for women, at 41% in 1977 and 47% in 2008.” Clearly more needs to be done to promote flexible working – telecommuting, job shares, high quality part-time roles, for both men and women. Only when employers encourage men to use and openly advocate for these policies, will we see more gender parity in the workplace.

Professional Women Lead on Skills Needed for Businesses of Future – Capitalise on Yours on May 10

A few years ago, at an event I attended on “Women in the Workplace” the male CEO of a blue-chip company made the joke: “Wouldn’t it just be easier if women were more like men?” His comment was met with a few polite laughs, but his attempt at humour gave away his own discomfort with the evolving demands of senior leaders. Sure, we might answer, it would probably be easier for him and a few others, if women were indeed more like men. And in fact, much of the advice around ‘getting to the top’ has resulted in many women feeling they have to adopt a masculine persona to succeed. These women may not only feel inauthentic compared to who they were when they started their career, but acting as mini-men makes them dubious role models for both junior women and men who want to see a less ‘alpha’ way of doing leadership.

If the message is that you have to ultimately change who you are to get to the top – then how attractive is that senior position actually going to be? The greater loss if ‘women are more like men’ is that we lose out on the great skills women bring to the workplace. McKinsey research points out women are statistically better performers when it comes to three key behaviours: People Development, Clarity around Expectations and Rewards and Role Modelling. This is vital stuff! In fact, when they looked at the 9 behaviours that drive business success, men only outpaced women on two of the nine criteria: individualistic decision-making and control and corrective action.

It is far better for women to be effective as women – being authentic to who they are as individuals and the diversity that brings to decision making. Individuals thrive being authentic because they rely on inherent skills, not an adopted persona put on for work. Acting with integrity to raise the status of those around you without diminishing your own worth is key. Performance improves because impact improves. Interestingly, the future workplace favours many of the skills professional women already have in abundance, such as integrity, ability to think laterally and collaborative thinking. And the best bit? Using these strengths is not just a way for working woman to tap into these ‘superpowers’ – it’s fantastic for those around them! Colleagues love it because they are suddenly working with someone they can trust and who validates their own strengths. Clients adore it because acting with authenticity means they are treated with respect and understanding, even within commercial parameters and constraints. Managers love it because communication flows much more easily and employee development suddenly becomes a positive experience for all.

If this female-friendly way of working – a way that doesn’t require women to apologise for their perceived faults and frailties sounds good to you, then join Female Breadwinners on May 10 as we pair with Deborah Frances-White and Dr. Anne Moir at Leicester Square Theatre to unleash the ‘superpower’ revolution. To reserve places for yourself, colleagues and clients, visit the New Girls Network website.

Working Mothers – Can you ‘Stay in the Positive’ with your Teens?

You may have felt you missed out on the owner’s manual when you first gave birth, but nothing prepares you for the crisis of confidence you may feel when your children reach their teens.

When I recently spoke with Judy Reith of www.parentingpeople.co.uk about the challenges my husband and I faced in raising my step-daughter, she smiled with reassurance: “Nobody has all the right answers when it comes to bringing up kids, let alone teenagers. As parents, we also feel peer pressure! Society wants us to churn out perfect children and be perfect parents – but there is no such thing!”

This can be particularly challenging for mothers who are used to (or at least aspiring) perfection in their work lives. However, as Judy points out “Parents often experience a range of emotions often not that different from teens! They can feel sad their child only wants to see them when they need money or a lift, envious of their teen’s future opportunities, fed up when their partner disagrees on parenting styles and even have a heightened sense of their own mortality when realising they are raising the generation that will replace their own.”

I came into my step-daughter’s life when she was 7, but her teen years were by far the most challenging as we lamented: “We’ve raised her for years – shouldn’t we know what we’re doing by now?” What happened to that enthusiastic chatterbox who would let you plait her hair whilst you watched Strictly Come Dancing? Who is this moody, spotty grunter you’re living with now who is seemingly glued to their XBox? In the first years, it all seems relatively straightforward compared to when kids reach those ‘tween years, where 13 can look, sound and try to act like 17.

Addressing challenging behaviour can descend from a giving a stern word to screaming rows. Parents can feel bewildered, unsure and stressed about coping in these turbulent years. It can be extra difficult if you and your partner disagree on dealing with the challenges – which certainly happened with my own husband and I.

As Judy, mother of three teenage daughters, points out: “But it’s not all bad. There are many great aspects to having teenagers under your roof. Shoe swaps, someone to have a laugh with, or simply watching them become their own person are some of the joys of parenting. “No doubt, there were many activities we did with my stepdaughter that allowed us to feel like kids again ourselves, like weekend bike rides and trips to the Chinese Circus and DisneyWorld.

Judy reminds us to remember the positive by focusing on: “What do you enjoy about your teenager? Find a way to tell them. Teenagers are often given such bad press, and it can be hard to compliment someone who seems to be perennially rude to you, but the behaviour the parent comments on is more likely to be repeated, so it’s worth commenting on anything at all that is OK. Tricky – it’s so much easier to point out their faults, but they need a good model, not a critic if they’re to navigate their way through adolescence.”

If you are raising teens, please join us tomorrow for the webinar on Parenting Skills for Busy Working Mothers: Raising Teens and ‘Tweens in the 21st Century on April 26th at 8Pm where we will have Judy Reith with us to share ideas on how to make the choppy waters of your teen’s adolescent years feel a little more like plain (or plainer!) sailing.

Professional Women who Act with Authenticity Make the Best Role Models – Join the Revolution on May 10

Right now, professional women are delivering great achievements at work and in their communities. Women don’t need to become like men to get ahead and treating the advancement of women as a problem misses their potential. Women have innate talents that can make work more fulfilling and supercharges performance.

Have you ever noticed how women who act with authenticity are the ones who really get ahead whilst also seeming to enjoy the ride? They are the ones who make great role models, who others want to learn from and who get the best out of their clients and colleagues. They don’t apologise for who they are – rather they relish being a gutsy and exuberant working woman among sometimes too staid colleagues.

Unleashing abilities women already have we can catapult women from their existing successes to mass performance. Everyone benefits from this: colleagues, organisations, the economy, our community as a whole and of course women themselves.

Women often have a natural head start in certain skills that can benefit both society and business. We like to call them ‘superpowers’. The skills can include diplomacy, empathy, deep listening, collaboration, lack of judgement-clouding ego, ability to read faces, lateral thinking, intuiting situations, charm, charisma, humour and a wider perspective not seen frequently enough in the halls of power.

Certainly in my own coaching and workshops, I notice the more I can help a woman become a bigger, bolder more confident version of herself – merely capitalising on what she is already doing well; the higher she can progress. And interestingly, the more she does this, the more attractive she becomes to colleagues and clients around her – who doesn’t want a bit of her ‘magic dust’. I recently had a new executive coaching client get in touch simply because of the massive changes her good friend, a former client had made in her own life. The new client paraphrased that old chestnut from ‘When Harry Met Sally’ when she said upon our introduction “I don’t know what you did with her….but I’ll have some of what she’s having!”

On May 10, join Female Breadwinners as we pair with Deborah Frances-White and Dr. Anne Moir at Leicester Square Theatre to unleash your own ‘superpower’ revolution. Three experts who routinely work with audiences in blue-chip companies will help audience members unleash the ‘why, what and how’ of successful women. To reserve places for yourself and colleagues, go to our dedicated New Girls Network website.

We are running an introductory FREE webinar next Monday 2nd April, to find out more and book your place on the webinar click here.

Working Women May Be More Educated, But are We Getting Ahead?

When I am working with a female coaching client, sometimes the question arises as to whether or not further studies would be a smart idea. This is most often for women who already have one, if not several degrees – but who feel that something intangible is holding them back. Something perhaps that a another qualification could rectify?

While I have a PhD myself, so am a fan of education, I do encourage my female coaching clients to look at the degrees (or lack thereof) of their male colleagues before deciding if such a huge commitment is warranted. Still, increasing numbers of women are voting with their feet by attending university in droves.

As described in a recent article in the Economist on “The World of Blue Stockings” “The big surprise of the past few decades has been women’s huge advance into tertiary education. Across rich countries the share of those aged over 25 who have had some form of higher education is now 33%, against 28% of men in the same age group …. However, it is too soon to feel sorry for men. Although women now earn more first degrees, they mostly still get fewer PhDs and if they stay on in academia they are promoted more slowly than men.”

As the authors explain: “Crucially, women’s lead at first-degree level does not so far seem to have translated into better job opportunities. In a paper published earlier this year Ina Ganguli, Ricardo Hausmann and Martina Viarengo of Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government concluded that the achievement of educational parity is a “cheque in the mail” that may encourage women to join the labour force, but lots of other factors—such as cultural attitudes and the availability of child care—also play a part. On its own, educational parity—even superiority—is not enough.

The authors continue: “Women may not be helping themselves by concentrating heavily on subjects that set them apart from men. In rich countries they account for over 70% of degrees in humanities and health, whereas the vast majority of degrees in mathematics and engineering go to men. Women with humanities degrees are less likely to be in demand for jobs in high-tech industries, which tend to pay well. At postgraduate level the gap between subjects gets even bigger. And on MBA courses, the classic avenue to senior corporate jobs, women make up only about a third of the students.” Let me know if this is at all familiar? Have you put in the time for a degree, but feel you are still waiting for that “cheque in the mail”?

How Organisational Culture Keeps Professional Women From Achieving

I recently reviewed Women’s Work, Men’s Cultures by Sarah Ruterford for People Management . It’s an insightful book that gets under the skin of how organisational culture is at the root of women’s lack of progress in the workplace. It asks the uncomfortable questions about what it will take to change organisational fabric to harness the potential of a truly diverse workforce.

Uniquely for books on women in the workplace, she sets the scene by detailing societies devaluation of women – through domestic violence, hyper-sexualisation and a lack of global economic equality with men. She posits: “If women are not valued and respected in wider society, organisations have a steep hill to climb if they are to insist on value, respect and fairness within their own workplaces.”

Rutherford poses insightful questions about how organisations should recognise most women have responsibilities outside of the home that far exceed their male colleagues. For example some larger employers have facilities such as dry cleaners, a gym, or an onsite convenience stor to ease domestic responsibilities largely borne by women. Do employees in Diversity have a seat at ‘the top’ or are they shouldered with ‘transforming corporate culture’ while having little real influence? Indeed, does an employer make efforts to encourage flexible working for all or is the emphasis on a long-hours culture, attractive executive assistants and sports-heavy corporate entertaining? As Rutherford points out, a corporate website can feature happy faces of racially diverse men and women, but if the drop down list of senior employees and board members are primarily white men – it belies the image they would like to portray.

Rutherford explains that while blaming a hostile organisational culture has become acceptable, talking about men’s resistance to equality is far less popular. She cites Catalyst research which showed 74% of male interviewees identified ‘fear’ as a barrier to men’s support of gender equality. On a theoretical level, men may recognise having women at the table may improve performance, but on a deeper level they might also fear the change in their clubby atmosphere, having any incompetence exposed or indeed their own seat at the table questioned.

I respect her argument that without culture change, there will be no real shifts on gender diversity in the workplace. Indeed, biological differences are very popular to blame but actually account for much less difference than we would like to conveniently think. However, biological differences justify to naysayers there is no way to solve workplace inequalities, since ‘it’s all genetic’ which hinders change in the way organisations treat their female employees.

Rutherford explains that frequently-cited stereotypes about ‘women’s style’ don’t address from where habits originate. For example, women’s use of apologies when speaking, hesitant speech, allowing themselves to be interrupted, working harder and not drawing attention to themselves are currently viewed as innately ‘a feminine preference’ rather than developing out of a structural positions of inferiority and superiority. Overall, this is an excellent read for anyone ready to ask the ‘tough questions’ about inequality in the workplace. For more on the future of women in the workplace read Female Breadwinners or see other articles on women in business.